Happy Birthday to Yoh Daddy

All I want for my birthday is to share my birthday cake PIE with the both of you

I swear, it was like 45 minutes ago when I was turning 27. And now I’m 60? How’d that happen.

My body is 60 but my brain tells me I’m still a kid. You’ve heard me say countless times that, “Growing older is inevitable; growing up is optional.” And I always meant it.

Growing up is optional … you have a choice. Growing old happens ... you have no choice. Sure, there are all kinds of internet tests to tell you how old your brain-age is compared to your chronological age. When I was recently only 59, I took an internet test that told me that my brain age was 27. So is 60 the new 27? Those tests are either a crock of BS, or I have to ask, “what the heck are we doing to our 27-year olds that they think like a 59-year old?”

I’m 60. My brain is 60. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. Who wants to be 27 again? Certainly not me. My life now is a bagillion times better, richer, fuller than when I was 27. Sure, a few things worked better back then, like my knees, and fingers, and ears, and eyes, and back, and muscles, and bladder, and … Indiana Jones said it best, “It’s not the years honey, it’s the mileage.”

But at 27, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. What I mean to say is that I didn’t know then what I know now. Maybe the best way to say it is that I now know, with much greater certainty, that which I don’t know, compared to what I didn’t know what I didn’t know ... back then ... you know?

That should be very clear.

It’s honestly a lot easier, as a 60 year old, to navigate the world with 60 years of experience, than for a 27 year old to navigate it with only 27 years of experiences … regardless of how well most of your parts don't work . That’s my opinion and I respect it.

I love this snapshot of the Grinch. It captures the moment that he gets it. It captures the very moment that he realizes that his entire life has been viewed from a warped paradigm. A wrong perspective. One that doesn't work ... and has never worked. He was transformed.

He got it when, in the twinkling of an eye (see, his eyes are actually twinkling), his spirit opened up to new truth. It happened for me in 2001. That's when I got it. It wasn't because I took some classes, or read my Dad's blog, or even had someone assault me with a Dr.Phil assault, "How's that workin' for ya?"  Allow me to defer the rest of that story until next week. 

Meanwhile ...

I’m 60, and 60’s a beautiful time; 
I’m living the dream, and can say it in rhyme. 
I’m not without problems. I’m not without frets. 
I’m not without challenges, ailments, or debts. 
But I realized something at age 48, that has grown in me stead’ly since that crucial date. What if life’s more than simply a circumstance state?

A Seussian itch.
Really needed to be scratched.
This haiku itch too.

The PIE Project  - Fully engaged living 

(or “why did it take me so long to understand freedom?”)

Why PIE?

Actually, it is P.I.E. But let’s back up.

Between late 2001 and 2012 I think read every self-help book out there (next week I’ll try explaining why). Well, not quite every book, but probably more than 300 anyway. Some were old books on my shelf that I had read once and then condemned them to remain unuseful as they gathered dust. Some were hot off the press. Some were even pre-published versions that I got because of the new circles I traveled in (sorry Faith – sometimes it just feels easier to end a sentence in a preposition). Some were written by theologians, some by philosophers, some by athletes, some by coaches, some by performance experts … pretty much anything I could get my hands on. I also listened to speeches, talks, presentations, sermons … again, pretty much anything that could help explain how to improve. Some were very very good. Most were very very bad. All meant well … most missed the mark of being tangibly useful.

Through all the reading and listening, I started putting together the pieces of a very large puzzle. Imagine having a 10,000,000 piece puzzle, with every piece a different size, no edge pieces being evident, and no picture on the box to tell you what it was supposed to look like when it was done. This was my self-imposed challenge. It was an exhilarating time of learning but also very frustrating because most writers who claimed to have a corner on the market in their particular area of expertise actually didn’t. Despite their numerous theories and endless action plans, their stuff provided no real mouth-to-dysfunction resuscitation because they were missing the cornerstones … not just the foundation, but the cornerstones of building a powerful life.

Well, some authors actually did. They were a breath of fresh air. And even though the good ones were on topics ranging from the proverbial soup to nuts, I found one thread running through all of them … every single one; human beings are obsessed with answering four questions, and if we could answer them, we would be improved … or better … or happier … or on a more sustainable path forward.

1. Where did I come from? 
2. Who Am I?
3. What am I here for? 
4. How can I accomplish # 3?

To really drive this home, let me remind you about Rick Warren. Remember the Hawaiian-shirted, bare-footed, Californian pastor with really lame jokes that you saw (probably too often for your liking) on our TV in 2005 when our home group studied his landmark book, “Purpose Driven Life: what on earth am I here for?” It was a landmark book because it was the top selling book on planet earth for a couple years, despite it being non-secular and incredibly “religious” in nature. Clearly, the world was obsessed with answering the question about PURPOSE, even to the point of reading a religious book written by an arguably dorky church guy. (oh – by the way … that book changed Papa’s life … and for my money, the opening sentence on page 1 is worth the price of the book).

The puzzle pieces (as I spread them out on a gigantic dining room table in my mind) were starting to form a clear picture in one distant corner … an understanding of spirituality (not to be confused with religion, although religion fits into it). Here is what became clear to me:

Spirituality lies at the nexus of these questions. Let's set aside #1 for the moment. Questions 2-4 tell us about who we are (IDENTITY), what we are here for (PURPOSE) and how we can do what we are supposed to do (EMPOWERMENT). I simply re-arranged the letters to form the acronym P.I.E. because, well, I love pie and the acronym was more memorable to me.

Purpose

Identity

Empowerment

What of question # 1?  Relax! Sheesh! I just told you we'd leave that for the moment ... well, except to say, that purpose, identity and empowerment can be anchored into a thousand different things and life is transformatively different (better) with them than without them. As for my answer (anchor) to question # 1, that will be addressed as we go.

I desperately desperately desperately want to share my PIE with you, but I can’t. Nobody can. You have to make your own PIE. The best I can do is tell you how I made mine. There is a recipe – sort of – kinda – but not really – although maybe. It’s like I’ve witnessed this past year when I took over the cooking duties while your Mom was studying to be a counsellor. She taught me how to cook, but mostly I learned to cook from cookbooks by following recipes because it's like chemistry … or experimental science if you will: just reproduce the initial conditions and you will reproduce the results. But when Deb cooks it’s alchemy … magic happens that can’t be recorded or quantified … it’s just beheld in wonder and awe.

This blog will be my feeble attempt to explain the chemistry of a fulfilling life, all the while knowing that alchemy is equally required. In the end, it requires some faith to get it. The scientist in me wants to ask you to trust me and just try this stuff, but the problem with trust is that while it is a visceral thing, it is still rooted in subconscious logic. To trust me you need to see:

Benevolence – to know that I have your best interest at heart

Integrity – to know that I am a man of my word

Ability – to believe that I can actually do the stuff that I say I can do

Results – data is always more impressive than theory.

The problem is that you haven’t always seen these things in me. So I’m asking you to go beyond trust … and just take a leap of faith. The trust will follow when you land after your leap.

So let’s get into it my tribbins.

By 2007 I had completed about 70% of the picture (remember the 10 million piece puzzle?) and discovered that I had already started talking about it at church … at work … at home (no apology) … in workshops I was asked to lead … in keynote addresses that I was invited to deliver. By 2009 people didn’t want to hear from the “hurricane guy” anymore … they were asking for the “life-balance guy.” Weird how life goes. I was being asked to mentor people, lead teams, and coach organizations on P.I.E. … even though they didn’t ask for it that way and they had no idea what they were actually looking for.

Together, purpose, identity and empowerment define spirituality … the inner power to be strong and effective, and to thrive in the face of life’s circumstances, not crushed by them. Those three words also define freedom. The reason the world talks so much about spirituality (even unreligious people – ESPECIALLY unreligious people) is because every human being knows, almost at a genetic level, that true freedom occurs at the core of their spirit … the place where beliefs reside, principles are crafted, and decisions are made.

Freedom is one of the strongest of all human drives and pursuits. It’s also very complicated. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Galatian Christians to remind them that Jesus set us free so that we could be free. If it wasn’t so profound it would sound goofy. William Wallace, at least the Mel Gibson interpretation in the movie Braveheart, cried out, “Freedom!” with his last breath as he was being eviscerated. Bob Marley charmed a generation (way before yours) with inspiring words like, “Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life.”

What was Paul talking about in his letter? What did Wallace mean in his cry? What was the freedom that Marley was getting at?

What do the two of you think freedom means?  

Hello! This ain’t rhetorical. Yes, Christian and Faith – I’m talkin’ to you. Remember, this is for you. You might have shared it with others but this question is for you. What do you think freedom means? Answer before reading further  [ YES … go and ponder this and answer it in your own mind before reading further – seriously – even if it takes a week].

Welcome back!  This post is almost over, and I absolutely guarantee, it will be the longest one of the year … the rest will be shorter. I think.

Freedom is not a simple concept. To most (just guessing here) freedom is defined by the absence of rules, constraints, restrictions or limits. But check it out … this is defining it exclusively in negative terms. In fact, in some (many?) ways, freedom is actually obtained only through rules, constraints, restrictions or limits.

This is the first of many paradoxes we’ll look at this year. Most of my life I believed freedom to be to get to do what you want. What I didn’t know was that there was a step or two that came before that. It’s why I love the movie, “The Great Debaters.” The dad-character, played by Forrest Whittaker, tells his son, “Do what you have to so that you can do what you want to.” Pete27 didn’t know that. Pete60 does. (actually, it’s Pete-XR2.2 ... I'll introduce you to him next month).

Christian – you were never free to do the phenomenal web programming that you do now until you decided to constrain yourself to go to NSCC for a couple years, and then restricted the time you spent for “fun stuff,” and then limited yourself to the number of other things you could take on. Your self-constraints, self-restrictions, and self-limits have afforded you the freedom to now create webpages that are amazing. You did what you had to so that you could do what you want to.

Faith – you were never free to run anywhere you wanted at any time until you began to shed the excess weight that you carried and started fueling with healthier food. Your physical transformation last year was just short of astounding … but it only came through self-limits, self-restrictions, and self-constraints. ALSO …. and dare I be bold enough to write this out loud … you were not free (in your mind) to date (I mean REALLY – FREELY, date) until you had lost a lot of that weight. So you did what you had to so that you could do what you want to.

Both of you impress me. Both of you make me proud. And the pride keeps growing. But I also know that, like me, you will both struggle with the concept of freedom. I don't wish to "free" you from the struggles or challenges because it's only through those that you will grow. At the same time, having a broader understanding of why those struggles and challenges lead to growth will drive the roots of that growth deeper and become more permanent. 

Freedom is a strange but wonderful thing and I want to spend this next year talking about different aspects of freedom, and the way it played out in my life physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and socially … through a discussion of PIE.

See ya next Saturday to begin Month 1.   

I love you guys.

Dad

PS .... Faith and Justin ... what an amazing surprise to have both of you here this past week. I'm a blessed man.