So here is the conclusion ... here is the full matrix with Covey's descriptors along with my stress curves and stress results (I'm adding my name to this since it is an original adaptation of mine).
Quick interpretation:
IMPORTANT - spending time doing important things fills your tank.
URGENT - spending time doing things because they are urgent drains your tank.
Q1 - Relentless urgency creates more stress than can be metabolized, even when most of what you do is tank-filling important; the drain from the urgency is just too big.
Q2 - You can have high stress (world-class stress even) yet still have a full tank. How? As long as a significant part of the important things that you do get done JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE IMPORTANT and not at all because there is a time constraint. Spending time this way fills your tank, and by allowing yourself the right mix of stress and recovery, you will end up with a bigger gas tank (a greater capacity for handling whatever). Note: spending time this way is hard and here lies the greatest potential for such activities to be ignored (to your detriment)
Q3 - This is likely the most dangerous quadrant because you are burning the proverbial candle at both ends, but in a whole different way. The compelling nature of URGENT seems to always trump IMPORTANT and urgent things will hijack you unless you have a very clear
reason for doing what you do (purpose) so that you will have the ability and motivation to say NO to some things. Living in this quadrant drains your tank because of the urgent nature of all that you do, yet you are doing nothing to fill it up. THIS IS KILLING PEOPLE (or at least the quality of their lives).
Q4 - This is just living stupidly. Granted, there's little anxiety from responding to urgent things but there's also nothing to fill the tank.
GOAL: strive to eliminate all Q3 and Q4 activities from your life.
PROGRESS not PERFECTION: achieving the goal is very hard but not impossible - just don't be obsessed on perfection because that's a neurotic pursuit.
THE BIGGEST SECRET: Most people live in Q3 (my opinion) because they are doing everything at the whim of others as part of their people-pleasing paradigm (boss - kids - spouse - friends - etc.) One of the quickest ways of departing Q3 can be to redefine (in your mind/heart) what's important. For example ... you are given a job to do by your boss and it is sucking the life out of you because you really didn't want the job/task. By flipping the switch in your head and making it a point-of-purpose (remember - this blog is all about PIE ... and the P stands for Purpose), you instantly change the anxiety equation that exists within you. You honestly can head-fake yourself this way and I will tell you for a fact that this can be done in the blink of an eye .... at the speed of thought ... by simply changing your mind about something/someone.
OK I will stop here ... there's another 20,000 words I need to say on this, but I'll save it for later.
I love you guys.
Dad
PS .... our 3-way text exchange last night was disturbing, encouraging, invigorating and saddening all at the same time. I'm sorry that I sent the email that started it all ... but I'm also really glad that I did. I got to know both of you a bit better ... and as Martha would say, "That's a good thing."
PPS ... the person who was the subject of our chats lives completely in Q4
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