WEAPONIZING EFFECTIVENESS - Lessons from the Sea

Ahoy Mateys

OK guys … let’s talk about water.

Look at this picture and then answer the following question. What do you think it might mean if I said to you to, “be like water?”

This is a lesson taken from the world of martial arts … to “be like water.”  Any idea what it means?

Think about it before you continue. Seriously … ponder for a minute or so what it might mean to “be like water.”

Now watch the video. Your Mom took this a few years ago while I was sitting on the dock at the lake and throwing rocks into the water. I threw 5 successive rocks into the water … each one larger than the last. The first is a small pebble … the final one is a large rock. Go watch it then continue reading.

OK, what did you see? In particular, what did you see that might help you to say, “I want to be like this … I want to be like water?”

I show this video in workshops and let people think about the question for a few hours. I first introduced it in Omega and let them ponder it for weeks before answering the question. I’d like ask you to go away for a week and think about what you saw in the video (watch it over and over if you need to) but I doubt you’ll do that before just continuing reading. [the best learning happens if you can figure it out on your own - so take a few minutes anyway].

Welcome back.

What I wanted you to notice were two things: 

1. Proportional Response
The size of the disturbance in the water is determined by the size of the thing actually doing the disturbing; the bigger the rock, the bigger the response. "Duh!" you are saying. Well, it's not such a duh after all because it is not actually the way most people respond when a stone is thrown into their emotional pond. In the military world, this is called a “proportional response.”  Someone bombs one of your buildings so you respond by bombing one of their buildings … you don’t respond by nuking ‘em. That would be a disproportionate response.

I watch people all the time have a nuclear-sized reaction to a pebble-sized stressor. Metaphors for this over the centuries include phrases like, “making mountains out of molehills,” or, “tempests in a teacup.” Water has the built-in property to respond proportionately to the size of the disturbing force … nothing more.

Be like water! Respond proportionately (appropriately) to things and don’t over-react … people who over-react tend to drive others away from them because they are exhausting and/or toxic to be around.

2. Recovery to Equilibrium
The most amazing thing that I hope you saw was how quickly water returns to calm after a rock is tossed in … regardless of how big the rock is. Watch the video again and specifically watch the spot where the rock enters the water (the centre of the disturbance). The biggest response of the water happens right where the rock hits the water … sure there are ripples that go out but they quickly abate with distance (I can show you the equations for this if you ever want to see them … remember, I was the wave guy at work for many years). 

AND … the place that returns to calm the quickest is at that very same centre spot where the rock hit. The water has the built-in ability to return quickly to its original state. This is called recovery.

Be like water! Regardless of how events or people disturb or stress you, return as quickly as possible to calm. This is possible only if you have a calm place built into the centre of you to which you can return.

What (or Who) is at your centre? What (or Who) helps you restrict your reactions to only those that are proportional? What (or Who) helps you to recover quickly to calm regardless of the stressors in your life.

I learned the lesson of being like water and discovered its greatest application … in forgiving people for how they have hurt or offended you. This takes practice, but the skill is well-worth the practice because it has contributed greatly to my effectiveness in life and in relationships. The ultimate goal in this is … well … let me save the final punchline for the final blog post in June.

I love you guys. Be like water!

Dad