PERSONAL CRAP DETECTOR - Emotional-Social BS (Part 2)

Good morning Mr. and Miss Bowyer

I can’t wait to talk some more about YOUR BS.  Ha ha ha

Last week I wrote about our Blind Spots (the real meaning of BS) being a function of our own personal bias. I want to explore this a bit deeper today.

As you know, or are learning, I am fascinated by the wealth of social science data coming out these days … data that show how and why human beings act the way they do. Some of the data are like, “Yep … that just confirms what I’ve always known to be true,” while other data are like, “Wow … this is fascinating … and it sure explains a lot of what we see.”

The word “noise” is the technical term used to describe anything that interferes with the communication process. People’s emotions significantly affect communications, especially as it relates to an ability to listen (listening is an enormous part of communications). Emotions of a listener can be one of resonance, in which case the message is accepted, or one of dissonance, in which case the message is rejected. We accept and reject messages all the time.

But what happens when the entire communication process happens within our own heads? A message is sent and also received all between our ears, and the only standard within us for making a judgment about the validity of the message is highly influenced by our personal bias: that thing inside of us that usually gives us the benefit of the doubt. As psychologists point out (and experience has proven to me), this is a huge problem because it is what leads to us having an almost infinite capacity for denial and self-deception. It’s where we get our Blind Spots. It’s what leads us to not perceiving our own BS (the other one).

Ultimately, this “noise” inside our own heads makes it very very difficult for us to look honestly and objectively at ourselves … while still being quite capable of accurately evaluating others.

This emotional blocking of information can be an enormous deterrent in your life. Why? Because when you are presented with information which disagrees with what you already know, believe, or want to believe (even if the information is factual), it is dissonant and not readily welcomed or accepted; especially if it is about you.

Illusory superiority is a form of bias that causes people to overestimate their positive qualities and to underestimate their negative qualities, relative to others. For example, here are some of those data I spoke about: in a survey of the faculty at the University of Nebraska, 68% rated themselves to be in the top 25% for teaching ability; similarly, 87% of MBA students at Stanford University rated their academic performance above average; 70% of US high school students rate themselves above average leaders; and 85% of US high school students rate themselves above-average in getting along well with others, while 25% put themselves in the top 1%.

We can laugh at these numbers as we shake our heads at how “blind” people are to their own strengths and weaknesses … but we are the same. YOU are the same.

This is a really important truth I wanted you to hear from me in this year of posts because if you can learn to recognize this then you will have a hope of defeating this weakness within you … and defeat it you must, because it is the only way you can ever truly mature. This kind of blind spot is what keep smokers smoking and over-eaters eating, despite overwhelming evidence that it puts their health at serious risk. It is what allows you to see the speck of dust in your friend's eye, all-the-while being oblivious to the log in your own eye. Another example I see all the time is when people summarily reject the notion of God’s existence even when presented with clear and sound reasoning. And here's how the brain does this ... emotions often block the information before the logical part of the process even begins. Cognitive dissonance provides the mechanism for denial so that you do not feel compelled to respond or change your mind.

The path to true freedom begins with being able to see yourself honestly. This requires humility. The Bible speaks about this very thing in two famous passages. 1) the first is in Psalm 139 where David asks God to help him see himself as clearly as God sees him, and for God to show him the honest truth about himself; 2) the second is in Mark 4 where Jesus gives a parable about our receptivity to the truth of His Word … and the 4 different emotional/mental states that result in our blindness or our ability to see clearly.

Maturing requires you to be able to see your own emotional noise, and then learn how to quiet that noise so that you can see yourself honestly. That’s when freedom will become a possibility for you.

I love you both very much.

Dad